The New Ones continued





So here you are married, settled into your new happily ever after bliss. You met the parents and liked them, you met the siblings and liked them too! You sigh a sigh of relief, first test of marriage passed.

Maybe not! Now its time to meet the others part two. The "sub clan", and the one you will probably hang out with much more then "the clan". As I mentioned before, we are an expatriate couple not living in our home town. We dip in and out of there as often as we can, and meet up with old and dear friends as often as we can, there or anywhere else we happen to find them.

Both my partner and I have maintained friendships since elementary school, we have a long shared history with these beautiful people. How do you merge that with your new love and life? What happens if you meet his friend and hate him? What if you meet his friend's wife and you can't stand her? What then? 

I have met the friend who it took me a while to figure out, I met the friend that took getting used to, I met the quite ones, the loud ones, the introverts and extroverts, and their significant others. The one thought that made me open to accepting them into my life was, "if the love of my life thinks they are great, then they must be at least OK".

Here it is out there, now after a long shared history of my own with these others, and years of happy interaction, I can honestly say I love his "sub clan". It did not start out that way and I admit somewhere along the way not all remained close in our life. I now stay in touch with his old buddies probably more then he does, but that took time, effort, and mutual respect. 

The one thread that allowed both of us to maintain long held friendships and grow them into "family" connections; is lack of prejudgment, lack of jealousy, and an open spirit to accept the people that are important to our partner. (Oh yes, and do not ever bad mouth his friends, that does not go down very well).


Here is what I have learned: Love, understanding, and respect takes you a long way in building your "sub clan". The friends that just don't do it for you, can remain in your partner's life, but just take them in small doses and in a large group setting. A drink in your hand helps too







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