She said... He understood what?
By popular demand, I have been asked to tackle the issue of marital "communication"(or lack of), depending who you talk to.
For all you newly weds, or in the first throes of a relationship, stop reading now! For all you old marrieds, most of you will know what I am talking about, and you are probably wincing now. Thinking; is she crazy?
I have been married long enough to know that men and women speak a different language, but not long enough to understand all the male dialect. Will that ever happen, you ask? Maybe, maybe not.
Having lived a life full of movement and change, I have met a multitude of fascinating ladies, of different ages and cultures. It has been eye opening and adventurous, learning how they met their significant other, how their life had developed through the years, and the beauty and the annoyances of a partnered life. Yes, male species of the human kind, women share their stories, that is why we live longer!
We all came down this path in our own unique style. Much love, respect, and affection was involved in most cases. There were love marriages, arranged marriages, companionship marriages, marriages of convenience, well, you get the idea.
The one common thread I can talk about here, is men and women rarely comprehend a situation identically. All the beautiful female friends I have made along my journey, have found a way to work around the "language" barrier. Yet, they all invariably have moments of non comprehension with their other half.
In my case, I wonder sometimes if I am speaking in a foreign language, one that my husband has never heard of. Don't take me wrong, it is not a question of disagreement, it is that he truly does not understand where I am coming from.
A teeny tiny illustration is the follows: if I say at the end of a long day "Oh boy, am I tired, I have had to drive for what seemed 200 kilometers today." A girlfriend's reaction would be "oh you poor thing, I know exactly how that feels." My husband's reaction? "Well, you really do not have to do all that, you should find a way to consolidate your trips, or learn to say no more often etc...". I have heard a thousand variations to the above.
How unlike each other are those reactions? One is empathetic/supportive, the other tries to solve a non existing "problem". Women are simpler then you think, my dear men, all we need is a listening ear (not a semi deaf one), and a caring heart. We know you have the best intentions, but when we need help solving a problem, we will ask you very clearly.
Here is what I have learned: We love our partners and they love us right back, both genders work tirelessly at long term relationships, all couples want their unions to glide smoothly, still sadly, the differences are innate and at times feel insurmountable. I sit here, writing this, still married to the same man I tied the knot with many moons ago, but there are days I wonder, when will we truly "get" each other.
Puppy Update: We got one! I still don't want one,but she sure is cute. That illustrates the communication skills even more!!
Having lived a life full of movement and change, I have met a multitude of fascinating ladies, of different ages and cultures. It has been eye opening and adventurous, learning how they met their significant other, how their life had developed through the years, and the beauty and the annoyances of a partnered life. Yes, male species of the human kind, women share their stories, that is why we live longer!
We all came down this path in our own unique style. Much love, respect, and affection was involved in most cases. There were love marriages, arranged marriages, companionship marriages, marriages of convenience, well, you get the idea.
The one common thread I can talk about here, is men and women rarely comprehend a situation identically. All the beautiful female friends I have made along my journey, have found a way to work around the "language" barrier. Yet, they all invariably have moments of non comprehension with their other half.
In my case, I wonder sometimes if I am speaking in a foreign language, one that my husband has never heard of. Don't take me wrong, it is not a question of disagreement, it is that he truly does not understand where I am coming from.
A teeny tiny illustration is the follows: if I say at the end of a long day "Oh boy, am I tired, I have had to drive for what seemed 200 kilometers today." A girlfriend's reaction would be "oh you poor thing, I know exactly how that feels." My husband's reaction? "Well, you really do not have to do all that, you should find a way to consolidate your trips, or learn to say no more often etc...". I have heard a thousand variations to the above.
How unlike each other are those reactions? One is empathetic/supportive, the other tries to solve a non existing "problem". Women are simpler then you think, my dear men, all we need is a listening ear (not a semi deaf one), and a caring heart. We know you have the best intentions, but when we need help solving a problem, we will ask you very clearly.
Here is what I have learned: We love our partners and they love us right back, both genders work tirelessly at long term relationships, all couples want their unions to glide smoothly, still sadly, the differences are innate and at times feel insurmountable. I sit here, writing this, still married to the same man I tied the knot with many moons ago, but there are days I wonder, when will we truly "get" each other.
Puppy Update: We got one! I still don't want one,but she sure is cute. That illustrates the communication skills even more!!
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