Who Have We Become?

Every blog I write comes from an experience, a moment, a thought, an incident, and event in my life. As I sat down to write my June blog, I thought I am going to write about what is going on in my life right now.  Then I thought, that is great, but why only talk about  my life, why not look at the bigger picture? 

I went down the path, of how does this subject reflect on all parenting in today's world? How are we all changed by technology and how that has affected a whole generation? 

Here I go! Again, this is personal viewpoint and reflection. Disclaimer: all opinions stated here are my own and all introspection is solely from my psyche. 

My eldest child, my son, is on a school expedition in Africa. It is a two week trip, based around service to the community and a trek that is to be independently organized by the team of students themselves.  They need to plan and execute their mission as a team. Working towards achieving a unified goal based on certain criteria. 

It all sounds amazing and should be an experience of a lifetime. As a parent, I want my children to be exposed to a variety of adventures. To learn life lessons through different avenues. To spread their wings and fly. Sadly, like all parents of my generation, I also want to be there with them, experiencing it first hand. Or rather second hand through social media,video calls, and any other means of technology. 

This trip my son is on, is different. We have been told that there will be radio silence. Our children will be off the grid for two weeks. The expedition organizer will not be in touch with us, and the "no news is good news" scenario will be utilized. What a horror? No messages, no phone calls, minimum contact, if at all, for two weeks? 

I will be honest, I am finding it unsettling and uncomfortable being the parent, whose son is on another continent and I am disconnected from his journey. My son, wiser and more astute then me, told me he finds it refreshing that he will be away from electronics and his day to day life, where he is bombarded by continuous contact with others .

Upon seeing my disappointed face, he informed me that this may be a good practice for next year, when he leaves for college. Frankly, I think this kid is pretty switched on and emotionally mature enough to make next year's transition just that little bit easier for me. The roles starting to shift, child comforting parent.

Growing up, our parents were left at the door. Literally and figuratively. We went out and they did not get in touch with us, until we walked into said door again. We missed our curfew, we got in trouble when we got home. We wanted to extend the evening for just a little bit, we could, and paid the piper later. We ended up somewhere we did not say we are going, mostly our parents were non the wiser.

Our children today, are tracked in one form or the other 24/7. We can track their uber ride on an app, to the exact address. We know what they spend and how much through the credit card connected to our mobile. We can track their phones, we can see where they are at any moment in time, anywhere in the world. The list is endless, flight trackers, GPS in cars, bluetooth access to a device and on and on.

In high school, a friend of mine would take me on a 45 minute ride to go see her crush for 10 minutes! The turn around was an hour and a half! Our moms never knew we left the neighborhood! My friends and I would start the evening in one place and end up across town somewhere. Our parents did not ask nor monitor our every move.

Today, children 16 hours fight time away, are over connected to home. Mom and dad, are still over involved. Dad is paying the bills online and supervising spending on a debit card. Mom is the best friend and adviser, even with a 9 hour time difference. 

When we left home, we left home!

I recently read a book all about, the detriment of our generations helicopter parenting. We hover at all times, waiting in the wings to make it all okay. As one child psychologist put it, we are the "snowplow" generation. We walk ahead of our kids and remove obstacles and slippery paths. We smooth the way for them. 

How are we raising self sufficient, self reliant, autonomous problem solvers, when we are never too far to catch them if they fall? Does technology play a part in all this? I would have to say to a large part yes. 

Media has a smaller part to play I believe as well. Growing up, our parents would read the news of the city they lived in and possibly the larger country for major events. We now have 24 hour media outlets, who thrive and survive on bad news. We panic over one missing child case in a country 6000 Kilometers away. We have sleepless nights over a flu epidemic in a city so far removed, we have never heard of it before. We refuse to let our children go out to play on our safe street, because we heard a story of child being hit by a car, two towns away. Technology has allowed the media to spread tragic stories and hawk terror in humanity. 

Here is what I have learned: I need, like all parents of my generation, to hover less, to trust more, to build fighting instinct in my children, to allow them to live through their own mistakes, to never ever track their phones (I do not anyway), to let them leave home, to give them space to have their peers as their best friends and shoulder to cry on, to let them take a ride off the path and I do not need to know, to give them the love and security of home in their hearts and not in my physical presence, to have faith that they too will make their own journey without the "snowplow" walking ahead to remove all bumps in the road.