Who Did You Want To Be?

The other day, as I sat reflecting on my life, which I seem to do every year around the time the new school year begins. In other words, September!

I thought about all I wanted to do and be when I was 16 (my son's age now). I thought back to all the day dreaming I did, and all the ideas I had. I did a mini audit in my head. How many of these dreams became a reality? How many I am glad never did? How many I still hold in my heart as a "maybe one day"?

On most days, I am content with my lot in life, never looking back in regret, nor wishing I was somewhere else doing something else. Now that my children are older, and I feel I have time to pursue my own interests and discover new hobbies. I occasionally wonder what more I could have done and been. 

Do we all fall into our lives? Do we determinedly stride forward knowing exactly what we want and seek it? Do we start out in one direction and end up somewhere else? Even better then we envisioned? How many people do you know that are living the life they dreamed of all those years ago?

I remember the days when I was an ambitious young thing. I ended up in my career by chance, and it brought me a load of experience and joy. I wanted to climb the ladder of success purely based on merit and hard work. I grabbed every opportunity that came my way. I demanded extra responsibility and was at work all hours of the day. Years passed, with me practically living at my work place. In hindsight, those years were years of self growth, and in deciding what I do not want in a career. Primarily, not having a career barring all else! I wanted balance and my own pace.

My life now is probably skewed the other way, not much of a career! A life full of everything else! I would like to think that even when I am old and grey! (Not yet, people!) I would still want to be driven and wanting to achieve a dream or two! 

This blog is a mini path to one of my childhood dreams. (Blush, blush). I have always wanted to be a writer. A writer with published works. The written word has forever been a passion. The spoken word too! All of you that know me, know how much I enjoy talking!! 

Am I a writer today? Obviously not. Am I a writer in waiting. Yes! Is it still a dream of mine? Absolutely! Will I ever achieve it? Watch this space... 

Growing up I could read a book in two days. I constantly had a book on the go. My mother would complain that I always had my nose in a book, to the point were I was living in those stories. Today, with life's frequent demands on me, on most days I read short stories and quick reads. I leave the sizable books to vacations and days off, when I know I can read a book in two days again. In simple terms, life takes over. 

I mentioned that I fell into my career by chance, as a door shut on one of my other early life dreams. In step with being a writer, I dreamed of being a war correspondent or a journalist reporting from distant fascinating locations. Having left my home that was fragmented by war, my parents categorically refused to even consider this path for me. In disillusionment, I attended an introduction to a hospitality course and the rest is history. 

Teenage dreams, had me travelling the world doing charitable work. The various career aptitude tests I did growing up, had one consistent thread, social work. My nature was that of compassion and nurture. I admired Mother Theresa and cried when she passed away, imagining her life of giving. That dream of mine never came to fruition. I am a mom though, does that count?

We all had huge dreams. Astronauts, rock stars, scientists, fashion designers, football players etc... Did we follow our dreams? Did you? I can tell many a story, of dreams dashed through the harsh lens of reality. Maybe I am overstating the issue, maybe it's just age. We grew up. We lost our sense of wonder, of believing we can be anything we dream up. 

What childhood dream did you have? Do you still want it? Does it still make you awake and full of excitement? Then do it! Follow that dream. Even if it's to discover it is not what you have always imagined it to be. I read once that dreams are the wishes you make for yourself. Make a wish and make it come true.

Here is what I have learned: I, personally, cannot exist without a dream. I cannot fathom a life without imagination, and visions for a future goal/s. I hope I am that old woman that has spunk, and energy to keep discovering new wonders. A life well lived, does not mean a life were all your dreams come true. A life well lived means, the potential to keep dreaming forever. To forever remember the 16 year old you and all that you wanted to become!