Happily Ever After! Yay or Nay?




Being married as long as I have and being "wise and worldly" now! (Said with an undertone of sarcasm). I wonder if happily ever after truly exists. The happily ever after, of fairy tales and princes on shining stallions. The happily ever after, of a bride framed at her wedding day, looking and feeling like a princess, remaining like that for eternity. The happily ever after, of the love and passion that couples start their life together with, continuing for a lifetime. The happily ever after, of movies and novels, were love prevails above all.

Let us dissect that phrase, "happily ever after",  what I understand it to mean (in my wise and worldly way of course); "to live ones life happy forever, with your loved one"! Does anyone live happy forever? Ever? Is that even a thing? If you are such a human being, please get in touch immediately! I need to know!

Marriage is a confusing state of affairs. You fall madly in love with a person and sign on the dotted line to remain faithful and loving for as long as you both shall live. You skip into this relationship with hearts in your eyes, huge dreams to fulfill, goals to achieve together, and promise to never let anything get in the way of your passion for one another.



Then life happens! You know what I am talking about? Don't you? Anyone in a long term relationship should know! I hope! Or is it just me? There are moments in your life when you wonder, if it's you alone facing a storm or two, or humanity at large. 

Marriage is one of those taboo subjects, like mental illness or miscarriage, everyone has a story but no one is telling. If you are facing drama or heartbreak, you don't know where to turn. Who do you share it with? If the person closest to you is the cause of this mayhem. If you tell your family, it's all out war. If you tell your friends, you are breaking a marital law of privacy. Where do you go?

Back to life happens. How do you go from talking about where to go away for the weekend for R&R to who's turn is it to fill the dishwasher? How do you go from gazing into each other's eyes in rapture, to giving each other death stares? How do you go from discussing the latest intellectual article you read, to discussing the color of your babies diaper remains? How do you go from thinking you would die if this person ever leaves you, to thinking I signed up for this willingly? How do you build on the positives of this life together to maintain the love and respect needed to continue?

People are staying married today more then any other modern decade! Surprised by that? Me too! The "wise and worldly" new me has an opinion on that too! Today we are getting married older, when we have had other experiences or have lived together before marriage. Both partners are working outside the home, there has to be unity and team work to manage the household. Fewer couples are getting married at all, a family now takes many different shapes. Gender equality is on the rise even in underdeveloped nations. And best of all couples are willing to seek counseling or to work harder to make sure the family stays together, because people are marrying for love now, not convenience or forced into arranged marriages. 

SO you ask, what is that secret potion? How do you maintain the love and respect needed? Ask a 100 people and you will get a 100 replies. I am only a wife and mother, I have not done research nor field studies into the subject. In other words, I am no expert. My first instinct is to say "hell if I know"!! 

Thinking about the 18 years I have been married and why it has lasted this long. With all its ups and downs. Joys and tragedies. It's life changes. Birth of kids. Death of parents. Job loss. Moments of disillusionment in the sanctity of the union. Happiness at moving forward with family missions. Celebrating life's milestones together. All I have to say is this, we both want to be here. 



We both want to get through it...

 Here is what I have learned: Happily Ever After is for fairy tales, romantic novels, and romcoms. Where no one has to take the garbage out or live in the real world. I think there is Happily Good Enough, Happily Built a Home Together, Happily Learned to Have a Clean Fight, Happily Survived To Tell the Tale, Happily Finished An Argument without Committing a Crime, and best of all Happily Chose to Stay with Each Other Because It's Worth It.









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