Judge not, Lest ye be judged
I normally do not quote the bible, but I found this as fitting my topic today. "Judge not, lest ye be judged".
I do not know about all mothers, but I do know myself and those mothers in my life, and I know that from day one of finding out we are with child, guilt finds a home in our psyche. We feel guilty about what we are eating, drinking, what activity we are pursuing, amount of sleep, even down to the quality of the air we are breathing.
It is a time when soon to be moms need all the support they can garner. They are entering the land of the unknown. A place of wonder, joy, fear, anxiety, endless love, terror, amazement. They are going to feel clumsy, unfit, unqualified, hopeless, and total failures on varied occasions in the first few months of motherhood. Do these poor lost souls need further criticism and judgment from experienced moms? The answer is an unequivocal "No", yet that is what too often happens. This judgment continues forevermore.
As a mother, I am my worst critic, even though I am a hands on mom, available to my children much of the time. There is a constant nagging thought that perhaps I am a bad mother. Its a constant internal battle, of doubt and skepticism. Can you I do better? Be better?
Everyday as a mother is a challenge, you are called upon to raise another human being. Make them into fine, moral, content, secure, positive, honest, (and in todays world green, politically correct, animal lover, fair trade supporter etc..) adults. We all walk into this occupation with what we think are eyes wide open, I am laughing out loud as I write this. We have no clue, us moms.
Everyday a mother is being judged by another mother. You let your child sleep that late? Your child still uses a pacifier? Your child eats sugar everyday? You do not breastfeed? You let your child walk home alone at that age? You mean you mashed your child's food for so long? You mean your child still sleeps in your bed? You child sleeps in your bed? You mean you feed your child take out? You mean you do not do enrichment activities? You mean your baby is not in swimming, dance, (insert activity here)? and on and on the judgment goes.
Why are we so harsh with each other and so quick to judge. Who has a magic wand that makes motherhood a perfect place to be? What is the criteria that rates a superlative mother? What contests are we meant to be entering to give us a gold medal? What competition are we in that pits us against each other?
Every business has induction, on the job training, employee handbook, education minimums, skill building initiatives, resources, appraisals, and the list goes on. In other words, you are given the expertise to perform your job.
A new mom? Gets a baby, a couple of books, and maybe a few websites. She needs the old timers, she needs the experienced moms, to hold her hand and guide her. She needs the support of her peers, new moms that are going through the same experience at the same time. She needs to ask for help without being judged by the choices she has made for her baby.
We need mom support groups and mom empowerment circles, we need to band together and remind each other of the beauty and challenge of motherhood. We need the motherhood sisterhood.
I admit I used to judge other mothers, and on the rare occasion, I still do it. Now I do it to myself and very quietly, I understand what it means to have the career of "mom". How long the hours are, how the pay is in wet kisses and dirty diapers, how the exhaustion sets into your bones, especially after night with a sick baby, how your heart is so vested in this "calling", you have no choice but to be the best mother "you" can be, day in and day out.
Here is what I have learned: Every mother is different, and every child is different. Even the same mom, is different with her different offspring. Only you know what works for your family and your children, the ultimate choice is all yours young mom. Remember to trust your instinct and soldier forward. Ultimately, most of us do the right thing by our kids.
As a mother, I am my worst critic, even though I am a hands on mom, available to my children much of the time. There is a constant nagging thought that perhaps I am a bad mother. Its a constant internal battle, of doubt and skepticism. Can you I do better? Be better?
Everyday as a mother is a challenge, you are called upon to raise another human being. Make them into fine, moral, content, secure, positive, honest, (and in todays world green, politically correct, animal lover, fair trade supporter etc..) adults. We all walk into this occupation with what we think are eyes wide open, I am laughing out loud as I write this. We have no clue, us moms.
Everyday a mother is being judged by another mother. You let your child sleep that late? Your child still uses a pacifier? Your child eats sugar everyday? You do not breastfeed? You let your child walk home alone at that age? You mean you mashed your child's food for so long? You mean your child still sleeps in your bed? You child sleeps in your bed? You mean you feed your child take out? You mean you do not do enrichment activities? You mean your baby is not in swimming, dance, (insert activity here)? and on and on the judgment goes.
Why are we so harsh with each other and so quick to judge. Who has a magic wand that makes motherhood a perfect place to be? What is the criteria that rates a superlative mother? What contests are we meant to be entering to give us a gold medal? What competition are we in that pits us against each other?
Every business has induction, on the job training, employee handbook, education minimums, skill building initiatives, resources, appraisals, and the list goes on. In other words, you are given the expertise to perform your job.
A new mom? Gets a baby, a couple of books, and maybe a few websites. She needs the old timers, she needs the experienced moms, to hold her hand and guide her. She needs the support of her peers, new moms that are going through the same experience at the same time. She needs to ask for help without being judged by the choices she has made for her baby.
We need mom support groups and mom empowerment circles, we need to band together and remind each other of the beauty and challenge of motherhood. We need the motherhood sisterhood.
I admit I used to judge other mothers, and on the rare occasion, I still do it. Now I do it to myself and very quietly, I understand what it means to have the career of "mom". How long the hours are, how the pay is in wet kisses and dirty diapers, how the exhaustion sets into your bones, especially after night with a sick baby, how your heart is so vested in this "calling", you have no choice but to be the best mother "you" can be, day in and day out.
Here is what I have learned: Every mother is different, and every child is different. Even the same mom, is different with her different offspring. Only you know what works for your family and your children, the ultimate choice is all yours young mom. Remember to trust your instinct and soldier forward. Ultimately, most of us do the right thing by our kids.
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